Tag Archives: Friendship

Toxic People

21 Apr

“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go.

Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make yourself a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend , or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”

Daniell Koepke

Learning to let go

24 Jan

“Letting go is the toughest thing to do in life, but sometimes it can turn out to be the best thing you’ve ever done”.

We have many people come in to our lives throughout our lifetime. They say some come for a season and some come for a lifetime. The ones that come for a season, may be someone we meet at work or somewhere else along the way and there are times you think no matter what that person will always be in your life. Then you leave that place of work or something else happens and the friendship slowly dwindles and this can be tough. A person who you shared so much with and really helped is no longer there but slowly in time you cherish the memories and you remember that maybe that person was there at that moment and either you helped them or they helped you but that season has now come to an end.

“If someone comes into your life and has a positive impact on you, be thankful that your paths crossed. And even if they cannot stay for some reason, be thankful that they somehow made you happy, even it was just for a short while”.

Then there are those you have known a very long time, decades even and there have been many highs and lows, but over time you change, and as you grow, you either grow closer or you grow apart and again this can be tough. I have a friend who I have known over 20 years now. We met in Primary School, we went to different colleges, different sixth forms but we always stayed friends. We have been through a lot individually, many highs and many lows. We have both suffered in different ways but we have always stuck together and I have no doubt that when we are old we will still be friends.

“Everyone has a friend during each stage of life. But only lucky one have the same friend in all stages of life”.

But what happens if a person in life turns destructive??? At first you worry, you are there and you run after them every time there is another blip, then there is another blip and another blip. And then a person really starts to cause a lot of hurt. Unfortunately, in the past couple of years I have learnt the hard way, yes it can be tough. And then there are two types of people, the people who apologise but repetitively continue in their ways or there is the other type who continually cause hurt but do not see fault at all and persistently put the blame on everyone else but themselves. And the question is how long do you go on continually making excuses for that person. Oh, they are going through a hard time, or maybe this time they really are sorry. Unfortunately, the apologies you don’t get build up and resentment builds.

“I never knew how strong I was, until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry and accept an apology I never received”.

What relationship are you clinging to today that is having a negative effect on your life? Is there someone today you must stand up and simply say no, I am not putting up with this anymore. It’s a tough thing to do but trust me you will feel so much better.

Someone once said to me if you were in a relationship with someone would you put up the pain and hurt that is being caused. I answered “no”. They said well why is a “friendship” any different.

“It is not easy to detach from people you have had close ties with, but sometimes it is necessary in order, to restore your sanity. Your mind. Peace”.

It is natural to feel a lot of emotions when you have to detach someone from your life. Guilt, anger, frustration. But in time you learn to heal, you learn to forgive because you there is no longer that negativity in your life and sadly one day when the person opens their eyes and realises what they have lost, it is too late because life moves on and there is no need to feel guilty for not wanting to go back to the past.

There is a great quote that goes:

“In life you will realise there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you. Some will love you , some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important will bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it is worth it”

People inspire you or they drain you, choose wisely.